The Life and Times of Nella

redsparrow12:

jumpingjacktrash:

eternal-fractal:

kneegrow-chan:

unclerippuascension:

kneegrow-chan:

kneegrow-chan:

kneegrow-chan:

Only your sibling and can make you feel violent, white hot, blistering rage.

Like i will never understand why Cain killed Abel, until my sister made me fuckin seethe with rage and hatred and then i went “Oh thats why”

The Cain Instinct is instilled within siblings, which is why you tried to draw blood from your siblings but the next minute your both hanging out

Maybe I’m just an only child but this does not.sound.normal.and healthy, OP. I think you might have like… a problem??

You’re an only child.

They are def an only child

ok think about how little kids have no chill, and are huge assholes at random. now imagine being smooshed together with an equally unchill asshole 24/7. imagine that when you go to your local authority figures all “MOM MATTIE WON’T GIVE MY STARSCREAM BACK” the god of your world doesn’t even look up from her book as she says, in an exhausted tone, “you’re older. help him behave.”

now imagine that when you go back to your room, and find that the city you spent all day building for your decepticons to smash is in complete disarray. the other unchill asshole, who is exactly like you but smaller and worse, like a twilight zone reflection of all your faults, still has your starscream and has also now taken your megatron and is making a “just try me fucker” face about it.

you reach for the megatron.

he opens his enormous noise hole and shrieks like a pterodactyl.

and you hear the ominous sound of the divine authority slamming a paperback closed on the kitchen table. it is you who will be blamed for this, cain. you were supposed to help abel behave. god can’t get five minutes to drink a cup of tea and it is going to be your fault.

i love my brother more than life itself but you’re damn right i hit him upside the head with optimus prime.

god can’t get 5 minutes to drink a cup of tea

memewhore:

gothiccharmschool:

quadradaz:

fenanoni:

watts-of-dragons:

yatahisofficiallyridiculous:

geardrops:

jmathieson-fic:

amireal2u:

taraljc:

camwyn:

sunreon:

anextremelysadmeme:

hagar-972:

codeinetea:

vanishinginthepark:

codeinetea:

cyborg-cat-girl:

codeinetea:

cyborg-cat-girl:

codeinetea:

I have $24 to last me til Friday, what should I buy with it?

a pallet of ramen noodles

I hate ramen noodles tho

hmmmmm

bees?

Are you suggesting that I eat bees for a week

This is roughly what I make sure I have in my kitchen all the time along with rough estimates of local prices (MN). I buy a lot of things when they’re on sale and stockpile them. 

instant oatmeal packets with fruit in them - $3 probably and this can be breakfast all week and maybe even a lunch or dinner too since you usually get 10 packets

bag of rice - $2-3 depending on size. 1 cup dry rice makes enough for about two meals depending on what you add in. if you get cheap rice, rinse it before cooking

canned beans - usually under $1 per can - mix the can with your rice and you have a meal. chili-spiced beans will make bean tacos. Rinse non-spiced beans before adding to anything.

Tortilla - usually around $3 but you get like 8-10 of them. Tacos, wraps, and quesadillas are all fair game here

lettuce - $2 max around here, either a head of something or bagged precut depending on preference, use as a salad or on tacos

protein other than beans of some sort - probably $5-7 for meat, $2-3 for eggs. sometimes I can get bags of frozen chicken breasts in this price range and each is usually 2 meals if I add in a bunch of veggies. fry/scramble eggs and add to any of the options. 

your favorite stir fry sauce - $3ish

vegetables - $5ish. literally anything that you can 1. fry in a pan and 2. you’ll eat. fresh carrots are usually pretty cheap. get frozen if it’s cheaper and you’re strapped for cash/prep time on this part. 

alternative to stir fry:  pasta (~$2), fresh tomatoes (~$2), cheese (~$3). 

cheese and fruit if you have extra - look if your store has loyalty cards for free that you can load coupons on for cheese there’s always one it seems like.

ahh thank you!!!

Reblogging because there’s never knowing who’ll need it.

Adding also: the single most nutritious food on earth is potatoes in their peel. Potatoes + some milk and butter = everything you need. They don’t last all that long, but they’re fairly cheap and the quickest cheat to “How do I not fuck my body up.”

(Cooked potatoes’ll last a while in the fridge. Potatoes nearing the end of their useful lives? Cook them to half-done first, figure out what to do with them later.)

Easiest baked potatoes: slice thinly but not paper-like, spread like cards, brush with oil (a silicone baking brush is totes worth the little it costs), spread salt and pepper (a little less than you think you’d like), cover with foil, stick in oven or toaster-oven at 150C for 40min. (If you have the patience, at that point click up to 180C, remove the cover and add 10-20min.) Reheats well, lasts in the fridge longer than it’ll take you to nom.

Dead-Animal-Free Whole Protein: some legumes + some grain. AKA rice and lentils, or rice and beans. (Maybe some fried onion for flavor; onion’s cheap and stays good a descent while. Fried onion makes everything taste better and keeps forever in the freezer, so frying up a bunch and keeping portions is not a half-bad idea.) (If going for the beans option - lentils are cheaper around here but fuck if I know what it’s like in your area - dump some tomato sauce and oil in; canola or soy are best health-wise, and far cheaper than olive; avoid corn.) Oh, what does instant couscous go for in your area? It keeps for fucking ever, it’s usually cheap, and it takes well to any and all added taste.

If you get to choose, black lentils taste the best and need the least soak-time (0-20min), green lentils are best for cooked stuff and red lentils are best in soups. (Red lentils + potatoes + root vegetables of choice + spices; cut into small pieces, cook, run through the blender if you wanna [stick blender’s awesome], freeze in portions.)

When possible, get instant soup mix. Get the good instant soup mix. (The kind that’s not made primarily of sugar, yeast or both. The rest is optional.) Dump 1/2tsp (or more, but start on the low end) into couscous, or chicken, or sprinkle over potatoes being stuck in the oven. Whatever. It’ll make most cooked-food-type things taste better. And again, lasts forever on the shelf.

If  you can have eggs (goodness knows they’re sometimes expensive), dump some tomato sauce in a pan (tomato sauce lasts forever on the shelf), add some oil, onion/beans to cook in it, hot peppers if you wanna, then when it’s nearly ready crack an egg or two in. Hard-boiled eggs last a remarkably while in the fridge, so when eggs reach near the end of their usable lives, just hard-boil and stick in the fridge.

(Have eggs as often as you can, particularly as you have brain-shit going on. You need all the eggs, salt, and 60%-or-more chocolate you can get. Brains are made of cholesterol and salt, so folks with neuro or other brain shit need more of both. Potassium is also aces. You know what has the most potassium? Tomato paste.)

Grated cheese keeps in the freezer for ever. Grated cheese will make a lot of things taste nicer. Preserved lemon juice keeps forever in the fridge. Grated cheese + oil + lemon = instant and awesome pasta sauce that’ll liven up the weeks-old dry pasta in the fridge.

Slices bread also keeps well in the freezer. Try to have half a loaf or a loaf. Dry bread gets cut in cubes, mixed with oil and the aforementioned instant soup, stuck in oven at lowest until properly dry, then kept in an airtight jar to add to soups.

(Over-ripe tomatoes come cheaper. They get turned into soup or sauce, then frozen in portions.)

this is a very good post but why are we glossing over the fact that the alternative to ramen is bees

i have it on pretty good authority that bees are not an affordable eating alternative to ramen.

Seriously, bees are expensive

Trufax. 

And speaking as someone who is also living off oatmeal, beans, and brown rice, if you need recipes, I have them! 

Today I made 16 bean soup with chicken sausage and it was crazy good and I got 8 servings out of the one batch (froze half). I usually get the cheapest beans I can find, and GOYA bags of beans are usually $1-2. I soaked them overnight,rinsed them, and threw them in a gallon lidded saucepan with 2 boxes of chicken stock (also on sale for $2), two bay leaves, sauteed green pepper, onion, and celery, some garlic from a jar, about two tablespoons of dried herbs de provence,and the “fancy” bit was adding $6 bourbon and apple chicken sausages. You can actually sub veg stock for chicken and skip the sausage and make it vegan and it would still taste great.

Oh and I’ve been doing steel-cut oats. I don’t buy the name brand ones, I just pick whatever store brand/generic I can get for less than $4. They take about ½ an hour to make, but they’re super tasty and I make 2 cups of dried oats at a time with dried cranberries and that’s breakfast for 4 days at least. 

I’ve also been making black bean soup, red beans and rice, and curried potatoes and chick peas. I got 100 quart and pint take-away containers from Amazon for $20 and they all stack neatly and are perf for one serving of whatever.

Additionally, depending on where you live, whole rotisserie chickens are something like $4-$7 and are easily 4 - 6 servings of protein and on TOP of that, if you stick the carcass in a ziplock bag and then the freezer you have excellent soup makings. Using bones in soup literally squeezes all viable vitamins and minerals out of the suckers. Soup made from lots of bones is great to keep around if you get sick, it’ll feed and sooth you relatively easily and as you get better you can add noodles. ON TOP OF THAT, a quarter to a half cup of soup broth added to a lot of dishes also adds those nutrients PLUS flavor.

Here’s my “How to eat for a week on $30″ post.

don’t forget Good and Cheap: Eat Well on $4 A Day

Yall are clutch for this lmao cuz ima need this for about the first month after I move

Reblogging cause who knows what your followers are going through rn

I possess alternative recipes for anyone who’s allergic to beans and/or tomatoes if you need them

I still want to know why Bees were even suggested as an option.

I’m mostly reblogging this because eating on a budget tips are ALWAYS a helpful thing to reblog.

But I’m also reposting this for the always-important life tip: you cannot substitute bees for ramen.

funnytwittertweets:

lilac-city:

Today is May 25th, also known as the Glorious 25th of May, also known as the day Discworld fans wear sprigs of lilac in remembrance of Terry Pratchett.

I worked all day today. I was tired. I did not wear lilac because most of the ones near me are dead. I still thought about him all day. Night Watch was the first Discworld novel I read when I was 17 and in many ways and in many following books Pratchett taught me how to be a person. I miss Terry’s incisive, hilarious, but overall KIND voice every single day in our current world. I think he would write some ferociously angry books if he was still around. But he already did, too. In many ways I already know what he’d say because he already said it. Be kind, be brave, be funny. Be honest, be human, be ugly. Work together. Seek justice for the most vulnerable. Do good even when no one says thank you. Be whatever you are as hard as you can be. Be silly as often as possible. I’m trying. Happy Glorious 25th of May.

A day late, but #GNUTerryPratchett

May all our anger come from love and kindness. May we always wait for our Third Thoughts before we act. May we also hold ourselves accountable in the strongest of ways. May our boots be filled with soup, and may we always have a half of onion on hand. 

tastefullyoffensive:

I draw the line at manual labor.

Are you kidding me???

The Alibi is half the work. 

sassymccoy:

i mean pineapple on pizza is already so delicious all by itself but then you add in how many people get so angry about something as arbitrary as the taste preferences of people who are not them and it’s like You Mean I Get To Eat Great Food AND In Doing So Passive Aggressively Tell Someone To Die Mad About It and that’s really what elevates pineapple on pizza to the chef’s kiss level

That’s my secret, Cap.

jumpingjacktrash:

iffeelscouldkill:

amythe3lder:

justacookieofacumberbatch:

prokopetz:

rainewynd:

samjohnssonvt:

omniship-armada:

Supercarrier: fandom flagship.  Everybody and their dog ships it.  The fandom is glutted with artwork and fic.  You cannot escape this ship.

Dreadnought: massively popular.  Nearly everybody ships it.  You can, with dedication, in theory, reach the end of the AO3 archive for the ship’s tag, but it’ll take a long time.

Cruiser: pretty popular ship.  Not everyone ships it, but everyone knows about it.  Has a good amount of fic/art, and probably multiple ask blogs.

Frigate: just plain popular.  Feels like it could use more fanworks.  New people to the fandom might not know about it, but they’ll stumble across it sooner rather than later.

Gunboat: bit of a rarepair.  It might have an ask blog or two.  A couple big name fans ship it.  Probably only takes a few weeks to get through the entire AO3 backlog, and one new fic gets added during that time.

Tugboat: rarepair.  Almost never seen except as a side pairing to a more popular ship.  You can usually get through everything on AO3 in a matter of days.  You’ve forgotten what it is to be picky about what you read.

Rowboat: less than a dozen people ship it.  You all know each other.  You exist in an endless cycle of the same five people desperately producing art and fic and one person who constantly contributes headcanons.

Canoe: you are one of maybe three people who ship it, and there’s a not-insignificant chance you’ve never encountered those other two hypothetical shippers.  You spend your days paddling furiously in hopes of keeping the ship afloat, dreaming of the day you upgrade to a rowboat so you can finally rest.

Submarine: Quite a few people ship it, but nobody wants to admit to shipping it. Will randomly appear and throw the other ships into confusion.

Pontoon: that random crossover ship with that one black dress character/trope/fandom everyone will ship with everything else. Has the potential to turn into a massive party until someone gets sick and everyone goes home.

Pedalo: That iconic bizarre crackship whose proponents claim they’re only into it ironically, but secretly they’re all dead serious.

Paging @amythe3lder for the pool noodle definition.

Barge: Not quite seaworthy, but buoyant in both the literal and figurative senses. Someone is always merrily drunktweeting about it at 11pm on Saturday night and then wistfully sobertweeting about it 4 hours later from their kitchen floor. The kind of ship that generates more playlists than fic. Artfully covered in trash and dirty laundry.

Raft: There’s two-to-four people who Ship It Hard and a few others who grab onto the side for safety when there’s drama on their usual flagship.

Barrel: There’s orphaned fic of it. There’s unsigned art of it. There’s headcanon asks on anon. Someone must ship it, but no one knows why or who they are. Your friend got a glimpse once before they ducked back down.

Pool Noodle: It’s just you, kicking your feet. You named the ship and wrote it on your noodle with a big sharpie. You tell people about it and are met with confused blinking. Most of the fics in the tag were either written by you or for you. You are caught between wanting to shout about how lovely life is on this floating scrap of whimsy and fearing that your noodle can’t bear much weight. Or worse, that someone will come over and dunk you, take your noodle and fwhap you on the head with it. 

This is a brilliant guide 😆

container ship: a ship so massive and memeable that it has blocked at least 10% of all fandom traffic.

gaslightgallows:

rivendellrose:

gaslightgallows:

rivendellrose:

liz-squids:

sadtrek:

Answer some questions and I’ll tell you which problematic/controversial Star Trek character you are

I got Riker, the least problematic, most uncontroversial Star Trek character of all time. Is there a new definition?

Weird. I got Riker, too. Even the quiz creator says they don’t understand why people don’t like him.

FUCK YEAH, I GOT ASH TYLER 🎉🎉🎉

HOW. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. 

HOW DID I GET RIKER, A CHARACTER I NOTHING, WHILE YOU… YOU.

omfg I’ve been cackling for hours

Huh. I also got Riker, but I’m too bisexual to sit in a chair normally so I guess it tracks.

prokopetz:

The thing that messes me up about the whole “the butler did it” trope is that we literally have no idea where it comes from.

The earliest known piece of detective fiction in which the butler, in fact, did it? Published in 1930.

The earliest known article calling out “the butler did it” as an egregious cliché in detective fiction? Published in 1928.

Obviously there must have been earlier examples of detective fiction in which the butler did it, but none of them have survived to the present day, leaving us in this bizarre situation where the earliest known callout post about the trope pre-dates its earliest known actual use by a full two years.

Someone needs to write this Doctor Who episode STAT

kaosken:

nellachronism:

shakespork:

shakespork:

shakespork:

it’s always “this doll is haunted and is ominously shattering the china” and never “how can I provide adequate enrichment for my haunted doll so she doesn’t destroy stuff out of boredom”

responsible haunted doll ownership means aknowledging your doll’s need for interaction and play time! make sure to give her plenty of stuff to look at with her rolling eyes and shatter-proof things to knock over.

remember that knocking picture frames off walls, inverting crosses, and leaving long and disturbing claw marks in your wallpaper is natural haunted doll behaviour and should be managed in a way which is healthy for both you and your doll!

Your Doll’s Not Evil, She’s Just Bored

So there’s this episode of GHOST ADVENTURES where they gather all the haunted murder dolls in a circle to see if they can trigger them and I was SCREAMING at the TV YOU DUMB FUCKS THROW THOSE HAUNTED MURDER DOLLS A GODDAMN TEA PARTY

I shudder to think of the type of tea that would be used for that party. 😳

Um obviously it’s imaginar-tea